Someone Remind Me Again, Why Did I Do This?

I became a stay-at-home mom so that my hair and outfit would be done and in style at a timely hour each day, lest we fall into those lazy motherhood ways and "let ourselves go", (we always looked at the poor "old" mothers and PROMISED to never let ourselves go!) like the 35 year old mother who just cut in front of you in the checkout line wearing mom jeans, an untucked plaid button down shirt that is wrinkled and probably doesn't match and seriously old rain boots...she must be a working mom!  No really, we actually made this decision so we'd always have clean laundry, a full pantry, sparkling floors, a professionally decorated house, a four course dinner every night (with perfect manners and conversation had by all) and eventually someone from "O" Magazine would take notice and send a reporter to decipher how I manage to do it all so beautifully...go team me!

Riiiiiight. I've determined it's absolutely impossible to have children under the age of 5 (it should really be 12,  90 if you include only males) living in your home AND have a completely clean home top to bottom. All at the same time. With your children present, you can't photoshop them in later! Hasta la vista to this dream....

Let's cut to the chase: you know it, I know it, and I'm pretty sure even Anderson Cooper knows it and will be busting open our secret on his next ridiculist. We all became SAHM's so we could sit around and watch TV all day, bon bon free thank you very much-Good Morning America is the cheerleader that leads the pack, then it's a soap here, some Dr. Oz there, don't forget Ellen! I know my kids are around here somewhere, I'll find them just as soon as they read the verdict for the Casey Anthony trial...

WHO DOES THIS??? I can honestly say that in the almost 4 years I've been a SAHM there was one day we had the TV on for me, the presidential election. So I guess pretty soon I'll be able to say "two days". All of those other 1400 or so days my kids had the pleasure of enjoying a show geared to them, edited by me (just because it's a cartoon doesn't mean it shows good values) and the only channels they are allowed to watch are PBS or The Discovery Channel or any show when someone is whispering and about to shoot a "buck deer" and so we all have to whisper too. Some days we don't even turn the TV on, those are the best.

Seriously though, I stayed home because it's critical to my child's education and well being. Daycare and preschool are a joke, how does playing "house" help my child in the real world? He needs me around, or who else will be quizzing him on the 23rd president? That one time my son could name all 50 states and everyone thought he was so smart must have boosted his self esteem tremendously, at this rate he will be carried out of his SAT's by a squad of cheerleaders on 5 hour energy. Of course they will make sure to put him back down (nicely) at an approved Ivy League school of my spouse and I's choosing where he will continue to achieve and change the world--we'll know how well he's doing this by how much money he makes. All because I gave up my career so my little one could have his dream, I'm such a great mommy!

I missed my kids. I loved them more than I thought would be possible considering we'd only known each other a few weeks. I knew what I was willing to do for them each day whether it was reading a book or holding my baby comfortingly on my chest while she was violently throwing up. Would someone else do this? I saw the timer turn to start, the one that calculates how many years/months/days/minutes/seconds you have until your child leaves you and I immediately started converting to percentages-it made me panic. I wanted to fix all the mistakes my parents made with me. I wanted to give these kids the best childhood memories to last them for a lifetime. I wanted to give them the very best parents to last as role models for a lifetime. But most of all, I wanted to give them the kind of family where their differences are cherished, each person is valued, we work together as a team 100% of the time and we teach them everything we can about life in order to scaffold their path so that they can grow and grow and GROW into whatever it is God has planned for them...because I'm sure it's better than anything we could dream up.

Cole just loves to say "cheese", Leah likes to practice a serious face, or she's 2 and just does the opposite of what I ask ;-)